Subject: New European Commission Regulations
Date: Wednesday, July 30, 1997
 
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby "English" will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish."
 
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
 
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f." This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
 
In the 3rd year, publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
 
Governments will enkorage the removal of the double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al will agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
 
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" wit "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
 
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensible riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
 
Ze drem vil finali kum tru!!
 
Yavol!!